Rainbow Access Initiative: Training

TOPIC INDEX

LGBT Adult Survivors of
Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood sexual abuse occurs when a child is used for the sexual gratification of an older adolescent or adult. It also involves the abuse of power that an adult has over a child. Incest is childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by a parent, guardian, or trusted family member. The dynamics of childhood abuse usually involve somehow including the child in the abuse as a "participant," making the child believe she or he has colluded with perpetrator.

The effects of childhood sexual abuse on one's development is profound. Dealing with it, especially as an adult, is critical. The statistics on Childhood Sexual Abuse are staggering.

1 in 3 women report a history of childhood sexual abuse,
1 in 11 men report a history of childhood sexual abuse.
More than ' of incest survivors experienced no physical force or violence.
More than ' of incest survivors do not remember the abuse until years after it has occurred.

Sexually abusive behaviors exist in a hierarchy of sorts, from nudity to disrobing, to genital exposure, to observation of the child, kissing, fondling, and masturbation, to fellatio, cunnilingus, digital penetration of the anus, penile penetration of the anus, to digital penetration of the vagina, penile penetration of the vagina, and "dry intercourse." This hierarchy does not make a determination of which of these behaviors are most disturbing or traumatizing to the victim as this tends to vary from case to case. And not all incest involves actual touching.

The common long-term effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse on LGBT People include:

Low self-esteem
Trust issues
Intimacy difficulties
Alcohol and drug abuse
Dissociation
Sleep disturbances
Eating disorders
Sexual disorders
Revictimization
Cutting

What to do if you're the Victim of Abuse or Violence There are a number of things you can do if you are a victim of trauma and violence.

Try not to blame yourself
No matter what the circumstances of the sexual abuse of a child, it is never the fault or responsibility of that child. Even if you are aware that there was some degree of collusion or you feel in hindsight that you wish you had been able to act differently, this does not lessen the absolute truth that is the duty of adults to care for children and protect them from exploitation. Some survivors find it helpful to observe children who are the same age that they were when the abuse took place in order to underline for them how great the power difference between adults and children really is and how easy it is for an older person to manipulate the trust, innocence and vulnerability of a child.

Take care of yourself now
The fact that something bad has been done to you is not a reason to deny yourself pleasure, or to punish yourself. It is in fact a reason to care for yourself. If you can learn to treat your body with respect and kindness, you will help the healing process. Therefore look for simple ways to show care for yourself and kindness to your body. If you find you are tempted to harm yourself - for example by starving or overindulging, by cutting yourself or even by attempting suicide - seek help and support so that you can begin to bring this behaviour under control.

Find appropriate outlets for your feelings
If you have been abused you have a perfectly good reason to be very angry and full of grief. It can be hard to know what to do with these feelings. It may not be possible or helpful to express them to the person responsible. Even if you do, he or she may well fail to accept responsibility. Feelings can be helped by finding others who will listen to your story sympathetically and help you express yourself. Writing down what you feel can help - many survivors find it helpful to write down their feelings in the form of a letter - you don't have to send it. Many activities can help relieve pent up feelings of anger - exercise, sport, or simply going somewhere private or noisy and shouting. Grief can be relieved by allowing time to reflect and by expressing the sadness. You may fear that once you allow these feelings to emerge they may take you over. This is a natural fear; however in fact the opposite tends to be the case - once a feeling is allowed adequate expression it becomes more easy to control.

Try and find both support and privacy
Abuse can be a profoundly isolating experience. Even when you do speak about it, people may either dismiss what you tell them or they may over-react. However as is now recognized, abuse is an all too common experience, so you are certainly not alone in what you have suffered. There are now many agencies which will offer appropriate support and have much expertise in helping survivors heal themselves.

Some people have the opposite experience and find that the abuse which has happened to them has become common knowledge, and as a result feel that their privacy has been invaded. Remember you only need to tell the people who you want to tell and it is up to you to decide how much you want to tell them. Certainly no-one will be able to guess what has happened to you if you decide not to tell them and no-one has the right to force their opinions or their advice on you.

Do not despair
Human beings are remarkably resilient and have a vast capacity for healing themselves. You may well feel that you have been irreversible damaged emotionally or even physically; that you may not ever be able to form a functioning relationships or have an enjoyable sex-life; that you will never recover. However this is not likely to be the case. Although you can never change your history, with time and care you can make sense of what has happened to you and can minimize the negative effects.

Further Help If you have been abused as a child, you might want help to make sense of your feelings and worries. This may be even more true if the abuse is continuing. Many excellent books have been written on the subject - some are listed in the RESOURCES link below.

It can be very difficult to trust someone with something as personal as this and may require a lot of courage. It may be easier to share your feelings with a stranger rather than a friend. Professional counseling agencies employ counselors who are trained to work with the effects of child sexual abuse and who will not be shocked or embarrassed by anything you may tell them. Your preference for a male or female counselor will be respected. There are also many self-help groups where survivors of abuse share their experience in safety and learn to deal with the resulting emotions. Some initial contact addresses are listed below.

You will know when you are ready to read a book, join a group or talk to someone alone. Trust your instinct and seek help when the time is right for you.

If you are currently in a violent situation
Don't retaliate: you could risk violence or make the situation worse.

Do tell someone about it: hate crime is inexcusable and should be dealt with as soon as possible. If you're at school or college, tell a teacher or staff member what has happened and they'll help you sort it out and help you decide whether you want to inform the police.

In any situation, it's your right to go to the police, report a crime and have it investigated. If you're scared to go to the police there are hundreds of third-party reporting sites. These places are community centers, other public places like churches or mosques, and sometimes certain private houses where you can discuss your situation with a person trained to fill in a crime form to notify the police. You can even notify the police of a non-urgent crime over the internet.

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